Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Life is so much better after having sex.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
