Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
