I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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