I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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