we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
