can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize