new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
