Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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