I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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