It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
