We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
