My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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