i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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