I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
