If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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