i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
