I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
