i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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