i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
