BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I know her cup size but not her name....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
