I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
