idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
