It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
