It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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