dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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