Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
So apparently I’m into choking now
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