This is not my ceiling
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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