This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I can't trust your balls anymore.
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