he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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