I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
