There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
