am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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