Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
