We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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