dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
