took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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