Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
