holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
