I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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