"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
