i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize