Ambien. No doubt about it.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
