if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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