Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
