Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
