Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
