I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i love accidental penises.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize