We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
