Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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