took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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