the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I pour the whiskey from now on
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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