Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
