Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
