And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
