I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
