Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
