Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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