I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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