And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
