I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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