Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize