omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
