I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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