theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize