Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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