DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
