These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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