I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
