If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize