in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
