I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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