I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
