you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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