I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
You're breaking my sexual little heart
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
