Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
