You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
