Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
