two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
