Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Randomize
