The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
