i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
