Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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