If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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