I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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