my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
