he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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