You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
