she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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