I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Randomize
