I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
