So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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