I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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