Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
