I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
