grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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