my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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