The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
