he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
