i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
