DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
it's like iHOP with fire
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
