One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
