Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize