so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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