i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
did i walk over a car last night?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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