do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
